A Brief History of Men I Should Never Have Given My Number To...

There is something about the bond between sorority sisters. No matter how long you go without talking, once you chat again, it seems like you never stopped. Today I have a special treat for my dear readers. M who blogs over at heart&hyperbole is sharing yet another crazy dating story. I swear, she has a magnet for weirdos and situations you can only dream about. M is a sweetheart and a sorority sister of mine. So, please head on over and check her out! I think one of my favorite stories is how her date broke his leg, on their 2nd date, moments before she was going to say "I'm just not that into you", and it was his birthday. Seriously cannot make this stuff up.

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Seriously. These were not good decisions. These are listed in no particular order - they're all just horribly embarrassing. Fortunately, 2013 is off to a pretty good start though, so hopefully this could be last of these!*

*Famous last words

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1. "Josh" - Gave this guy my number on New Year's Eve awhile ago. What resulted was a very strange text conversation that included him trying to lure me to his apartment with a puppy, him offering me rides to the airport, telling me his grandfather died (which he later admitted he made up, he just wanted sympathy), and asking me to google his father's obituary.

I stopped responding after awhile to deter his affections. This only led to a solid week of drunk texts.

Woof.

2. "Sarish" - I worked with him and his company on a big project very closely for two weeks. I was the manager of the entire thing, so I was on call 24/7 and fielding questions from him and his team pretty regularly. We submitted the project after two very tumultuous weeks, and I was relieved because this meant my phone would no longer ring, and I would no longer have to call this IT team and verbally and emotionally scar them when they didn't adhere to my schedule.

Sarish called me after the submission on a random Sunday afternoon. He asked me what I was doing that weekend and if I wanted to go get coffee with him. I reminded him that I verbally abused him for 2 weeks, and that he might need a break from me. He laughed and asked me if he could take me to dinner instead...I politely declined. He persisted. I said no again. He then told me that it wasn't a problem, that he could take me out after he picked up his kids from soccer and dropped them off with his wife.

Classy.

3. "Mohammad" - Halloween 2012. I went to a party at my friend's house dressed up as a peacock with my roommate, where we ran into a man dressed up as Jose Cuervo. The night kind of went downhill from there:

Well, apparently after Señor Cuervo and I met (and by "met" I mean drank the tequila that he was walking around with in his gun holster...what? It was Halloween! No judging...), I left the party with my two friends and walked to the bars in Arlington. This I cannot confirm, because I only remember waking up in a diner with them an hour later. In that time though, I managed to give my number to a guy on the street who apparently used the pick-up line "Oh heyyyy little peacock...look at all them feathers! You got a number?"...why yes. Yes I do, stranger!

Well, this prompted a series of broken english/potentially drunk texts and phone calls for the next two weeks, much to the delight of all of my friends. He called me late at night, texted me early in the morning, and even called me at work. Fortunately, I got my friend Brenda to help by answering my phone as my "secretary" to help me screen my calls. It died down eventually, but it definitely went on way longer than it should have.

Drunk M, how many times do we have to go over this? Phones and drinking don't mix...and it doesn't change anything if you throw a peacock costume into the mix either, unfortunately.

4. "Brad" - I met Brad on the night of the end of the world. My friend Sean was visiting from Philadelphia, and we were at an Irish dive bar in the city. Sean somehow knew Brad and explicitly told me not to give him my number. Naturally, I did...it was the end of the world, after all.

Brad was an asshole. Really narcissistic, not very interesting, but kind of looked like Rob Pattinson. Ultimately, he texted me on and off for months at the most inconvenient times and our brief non-romance resulted in me being sick with mono for a month. Seriously.

5. "Tom" - My friends and I met Tom one Sunday while we were watching all of the football games at our favorite sports bar. He seemed cool, and we invited him and his friends to join us at our table. We saw him week after week, and eventually we all became friends on Facebook. After that, somehow I made the good choice to give out my number...yet again.

Things started off innocently enough. "Are you guys going to the bar to watch the games this week?" he'd text. "Sure," I'd reply....but then his texts started getting a little creepier.

Once, we lost power during a pretty bad storm, and Tom texted me to see how we were doing. I told him that the power was out, and he offered to pick me up with my roommate so we could take a shower at his apartment. "That's nice of you Tom, but our water is still running..." I said. "Oh...well I mean you could always come do it anyway :)..." would be the response.

It was kind of weird, but I got over it. Then it just got awkward.

Stop it.

Honorable Mention:

I can't even explain this one.

I think I need a babysitter.

So far 2013 has been relatively creep-free though! Here's hoping that it lasts...or that I forget my own phone number...